Wednesday, June 23, 2010

puppy love. pt.5/end.

okay, it didn't happen the way i had hoped...but i had kissed him. i had been wishing and wishing for just a kiss, for the previous four years. biggie. he was dirty. he was a boy and not the charmer i had imagined he would be. his nickname of puppy was given to him after this. he was a puppy. he knew what he wanted...but had no clue of what he was doing. it was sweet.
so...apparently i told him i would text him afterwards? but i was drunk you see...and was NOT aware of that. i was just waiting for him. a few weeks later, i found out that it was my job to talk to him. so i did. all this love was virtual though, as you see it was still holidays. school started, we didn't talk. we would text each other...i guess we were both shy.
i kissed him again. the night before valentines. i told him about chivalry. i told him he had to talk to me. he never talked to me.
i kissed him his dorm room at school. in a cube late at night. i snuck in. i kissed him a LOT. we did more than that. we did more than kiss on march 13th.
he still doesn't talk to me. not person to person.

please don't assume that he is an asshole. he isn't. he is shy. i am not kidding. i know he looks at me still. i know, because i still look at him too. every time i see him i am overcome with immense feelings which i don't know how to comprehend. there is no word invented to grasp the contents of what i am saying. the english language is not capable of dealing with matters as large as this.

i feel happy, i feel sick. i feel lonely and confused. i feel angry and i feel like running up to him and kissing the fuck out of him.

The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest;
the last smile the brightest; the last movement the gracefullest.

x. lauren.

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